this must be it, welcome to the new year;

You know what? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I really like the idea of New Year's Resolutions. There is something very exciting and hopeful to me about starting fresh with a new year and setting (attainable) goals for that year.

I've been feeling very excited about 2011. I look at the next 12 months, and I see all of the possibilities that God has laid out in front of me. I see huge value in putting some of the things that He's placed on my heart into goals, and seeing where He takes me with them. I have never made a New Year's Resolution before, but there are always areas of my life that I know I can improve. I figure there is no better place to start than at the edge of this new year.

I want to improve my body's health. I'm starting with Wii Fit. Lame? Probably a little bit. But it makes me feel really good, and I can't commit to a gym membership until I fully commit to this. Fitness has never been something I've taken all that seriously, but recently I've been really inspired by people in my life and the way that they have been disciplined in improving theirs. I've come to a new understanding of the value of physical fitness, and I know that I need to improve mine. My body is a temple and I need to start taking that seriously.

I want to love people better. To be honest, this is definitely an ongoing resolution of mine, but I'm realizing that if I want to love like Jesus, I need to look at my closest relationships and evaluate the way that I love those people. I want to be attentative to the ways that the people I love feel loved most, and respond to those love languages.

I want to focus on being content. I love thinking about the future. I love thinking about my future marriage, my future career, my future home, my future this, my future that. I'm not sure that there is anything wrong with this necessarilly, but I've learned this year that hoping for the future sometimes distracts me from being content with the present. I don't want to forget that God's plan for my life is here and now, and not only in the future. One of my besties posted a quote in her blog last week that really struck me. It said "we're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are." This year I want to enjoy my now. I want to remember to enjoy where I am.

I am incredibly excited for where God takes me and these goals of mine this year. I'm always amazed at the way He impresses things upon my heart and motivates and encourages me to grow as a follower of His Son.

Happy New Year to anyone who is reading this, may you find hope in the prospect of a fresh start in 2011, and in the goals that you may set over the course of the next 12 months.

Andi xo

little treasures;

Today, I:
- Wiped 3284961377808369 snotty noses
- Was slapped in the face twice (by a 5 year old)
- Swept up a whole lot of glitter
- Stopped a child from eating white glue
- Sniffed out many dirty diapers
- Played peek-a-boo from under a blanket for about half an hour
- Learned speech therapy strategies, and some simple sign language
- Received lots of cuddles and heard lots of giggles
- Was reminded of all of the reasons that I love children, and all the things that I am excited about in the future

I love kids. I love how fulfilled I feel when I leave my incredible placement. Every Monday I get the chance to work with some of the most amazing little people in the world. They make me laugh, they challenge me, and inspire me and always make feel so blessed to have the passions and talents that God has given me. Each week I feel more confident in my abilities and more confident in the path that I'm on. I feel like every Monday has given me a small glimpse into what God has in store for my future. I am so, so grateful. It is an absolutely incredible place, and even the hardest days there, even the biggest challenges, fill me with such joy.

I love kids.

grace and peace to you;

Today, I'm thankful for peace and grace.

On Sunday, my pastor preached on the antidote to anxiety - prayer. At this time of year, there was nothing I needed to hear more. I was reminded of the fact that peace, real peace, comes from Jesus.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

So why have I been troubling my heart with so much anxiety and stress about school? Does my peace come from perfect marks? No. Do I only have peace when I'm not drowning in essays and exams? No. Will God ever give me more than I can handle? No.

Peace from Jesus is not at all like worldly peace. It isn't conditional. It is constant and it is a gift. And it is always available to me. I'm realizing I've been terribly selfish in the past week or so. I've been so focussed on the load on my back, the schoolwork, the marks, the essays, the exams, that I've let my focus slip from the needs of others, and I've also left Jesus out of the equasion. I felt as though today God was saying to me "Andi, do you want to be stressed? Or do you want this gift I've given to you? This peace I've given to you? Take it, it's yours." And when I told God I want it, when I asked him to penetrate me with that peace, the anxiety was gone.

I also had a lesson in grace today.
I received a gift, a blessing that I didn't deserve. It came in the form of a second chance on an essay. An essay I got a D on, deservingly so. And today my professor reached out and told me he wanted to help me. He gave me a second chance to redeem myself when there was absolutely no reason to. When I absolutely did not deserve it - I deserved my D.
Isn't that what Jesus did? Reached out and offered us a second chance that we absolutely did not deserve?

Don't I have so much to be thankful for?
Why do I insist on moping and wallowing and being sorry for myself at this time of year when Jesus came to give me life, and life to the full?

I have been looking at the world so narrowly. And today God reminded me that He offers me peace and grace so that I don't need to do that anymore. He has opened my eyes to a life so abundant. So full of blessings, and joy, things that go far beyond these two weeks. Far beyond essays and exams, and bad marks.

It was a good day. One where I felt as though I had so many reasons to be anxious and stressed, and all I could do was breathe in and out, and remember Jesus' many gifts to me.
It was perfect.

tripping on my words;

Oh hello. I'm Andi. You might remember me? Sometimes I post random musings on here in an effort to make somewhat of a contribution to the world of blogging.

I'm also the girl who started a tumblr account a month ago and has posted, oh, zero times.

Yeah, as far as blogging goes, I'm a failure.
I'm a failure because I have a fear of not being good enough. It's a terrible predicament because I love to ramble, and talk, and write. But I read several blogs of people who have good things to say. Heck, great things, even. And I wonder what I could possibly contribute.

What could I ever say that would be worth reading?

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you think I'm crazy.

This is all to say that I want to try harder at this blogging thing. And I'm going to stop doubting myself in one area of my life.

masterpiece?

Eph 2:10
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Why does Satan work so hard at convincing me of the opposite?
And why does it work?

I hate feeling as insecure and unsure of myself as I do.
I hate that I don't know how to not feel like this anymore.

knock, knock;

Whenever I am conscious of Satan's presence, I try to follow the formula once offered by a little girl: "When Satan knocks, I just send Christ to the door."
- Billy Graham

Good advice, "little girl."

a juggling act;

I've spent a huge chunk of this year thinking about how I can actively love others. How I can share in the lives of the people I love. How to go beyond just facebook messages and texts. And I made a decision months ago to do it better. But it seems the more I try to do it the more I feel like I come up short. The more I feel like a disappointment to others, and to myself.

I'm not sure where my thoughts are going but I needed an outlet to pour into. All I know is that camp is 3 weeks away and I'm feeling the urgency. And all of the people around me are clearly feeling it too. And it's all making me feel somewhat like a failure. Like the more I hear "I need to see you more before you go away" the guiltier I feel for going away, and the more I realize that I haven't invested my time the way I've wanted to.

I feel like I'm being stretched very thin. And like I'm being pulled in a million different directions, And it doesn't really matter which one I choose because inevitably I will disappoint somebody I love.

And I'm frustrated. Mostly with myself I think.
I know I shouldn't be stressing out about this and I should be thinking about the exciting summer I have ahead of me.

This is just one big rant with no conclusion. I suppose I just wish I was better at balancing things.

mama;

I have a really great mom.

Sometimes I'm afraid that she doesn't know how much I appreciate everything that she is to me.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I don't even know how much I appreciate her.

It's amazing how the older I get the more I come to acknowledge the little things that she has done for me. All of the hugs, all of the meals, the pickups, the drop offs, the comforting words, all the times I've cried on her shoulder, the laughs, the games, the conversations, the loads of laundry, the doctor visits, the advice, and so so much more, every minute, every day, all of it has had an incredibly huge impact.

I have a really great mom.

She's a strong, beautiful, smart, loving woman.
And though we have our differences (and trust me, we do), we are a perfect fit. And I'm incredibly thankful for her.

a moment of contentment;

Last summer changed a lot of things for me.
Up until then, it was just school, home, work. But last summer added camp into the mix.
And so, with this summer fast approaching I am becoming increasingly stressed out. It's unbelievable to me that after a mere two months in that place it's hard for me to picture my life without it.

I keep taking myself back to one of my favourite moments of the summer. It was a cool August evening and I was seated on a stump by the Explorer campfire. The lake was on my right, and my campers sitting close to my left side. It was a beautiful, calm, peaceful night and I felt so at ease. Toward the end of the campfire, came prayer time. In an instant the silence was broken by tiny voice upon tiny voice calling out to God. Even as I sit here, I can hear that beautiful sound in my mind. Tears fill my eyes and goosebumps prickle my skin just the same as that August evening.

In that second, I can remember being so joyful, so peaceful, and so content.

It was just an incredible moment that I am so thankful for, and that I'll remember forever.

love is;

Have you ever realized what a privilege it is to love someone? Have you ever stopped to consider how incredibly blessed we are to have the opportunity to love others?

It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. How grateful I am that God gives me the responsibility of loving.

I'm unbelievably saddened by how frequently I hear about people taking this privilege for granted. Somehow, people have distorted love into something that is completely self-seeking, something that is all about taking and hardly about giving. I don't know how it got that way, but I'm reminded of what Scripture tells me about love.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

That he lay down his life.

That we lay down our desires. Our wants. Our needs. For others. For the ones we love.

I'm tired of watching people be hurt by the ones they love, who somewhere along the line forgot to love them back. People who at some point started to ask the question, "but what's in it for me?"

The thought of falling into that trap scares me. It's scary because it's a trap that'll take my eyes off of Jesus and off of the example He set of what love is. Because He is the ultimate example of love. He did lay down His life for the ones He loves. He showed us what it is to be selfless.

I want to always love with that in mind. I want my love to be real, and honest and selfless. And I never want to take the opportunity to love someone for granted.

And I pray that others will love like that. Completely with others at heart, and completely laying their lives down in the process.

Isn't that what God has in mind?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

in Christ alone;

There in the ground, His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me!
For I am His, and He is mine,
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Mary;

Jesus says, "Mother, I couldn't stay another day longer."
Flies right by me and leaves a kiss upon her face.
While the angels are singin' His praises in a blaze of glory,
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place.
- "Mary" by Patty Griffin

I wonder what it was like to be Mary. To give birth to the boy who would someday save the world. To learn more from your son than you could ever teach him. To live with the knowledge that someday he would be killed for the good of the world.

To watch him be scorned, beaten, humiliated and hung on a cross.

I'm always, always baffled by her. If there's any woman in the Bible that I would love to sit down with and talk to, it's Mary.

I wonder if she was terribly conflicted. I wonder if she knew it had to happen, but wished it wouldn't. I wonder if she tried to stop Him. I wonder if she tried to convince Him otherwise. I wonder how hard that woman prayed.

And I wonder about the pain she must have felt watching Him hanging from that cross in agony.

I mean, I can't understand the way she must've responded to His death. How could she watch her son die in such a way? Did it even register with her that her own life depended on His? Or was she blinded by the pain that only His earthly mother could possibly feel?

What was going through her head? What was going through her heart?

It's fascinating to me, to think about the people who were closest to Jesus. The ones who touched Him, who spoke to Him, who were with Him in his first days, and who were with Him in His last days.

I wonder what Easter meant to them, and I then I think about what Easter means to me.

Easter fills me with the largest range of emotions.

I'm so so thankful. Thankful that He laid His life down for me.

I'm ashamed. Ashamed that He had to lay His life down for me.

I'm sad. Sad that He endured such incredible pain.

I'm in awe. In awe that He showed the world His unfathomable glory by rising from that tomb.

I'm filled with love. Love for the one that showed, and continues to show me love that is so pure, so true and so real. Love that gave everything for me.



I wish you all a blessed Easter, one of contemplation, love, reflection and celebration!
(He is Risen!)

that's my shepherd;

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

I am the sheep.
Sometimes I get lost, sometimes I run astray. But He is faithful, and He will always pull me back. He keeps me safe, He is my refuge.
He provides for me everything that I need.

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.

He gives me peace. He gives me rest. He gives me silence.
He knows when I am broken, and He puts me back together again.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

He knows what's right, and He shows me the way.
He points me in the direction that I need to go in, so that I can bring glory to Him.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

There is nothing that I can't handle - because He's at my side.
Early fears are futile, with His hand on my shoulder, there is nothing to be afraid of.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

He readies me for whatever I may face.
I am prepared.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

The blessings He bestows on me are endless. They are more than what I could ever dream or imagine.
I have so much to be thankful for.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

Every day. Every hour. Every second.
He'll be right there behind me.

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Forever.

unending love, amazing grace;

I had the most wonderful 'God moment' the other day. It was a beautiful reminder to me and one that I needed more than I realized.

I was talking to a friend of mine and she was talking about a test she had had that morning. Her prof gave her a really great mark, and rather than being thrilled about it she was frustrated and surprised. She knew that she didn't deserve the mark, she was sure that she deserved a much lower grade, but even when she told him that, he insisted on giving her the higher one. She couldn't understand it, and all I could do was think about Jesus.

Isn't that a beautiful picture of Jesus' grace? Like that teacher handing out the high mark, Jesus grants us forgiveness even though we don't deserve it. We know we don't deserve it, we know we deserve so little, yet He gives us so much.
And it baffles me. I can't understand it - a love that huge.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound!
That saved a wretch like me,
I once was lost, but now I'm found,
Was blind but now I see.

I'm not sure I've ever really understood the weight of those words. I'm not sure that I've ever even attempted to wrap my head around what they mean, and how significant they are.
Grace is amazing!
And I would be lost without it - if I got what I deserve, the low mark that was coming to me.
Incredible. Completely and absolutely incredible, that guy Jesus is.

let go, let God;

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
- Matthew 11:28

I am exhausted, I'm worn out, I'm drained, and I'm stressed. I can't remember the last time I took some time to myself, and I definitely can't remember the last time I took some time for God. Every second of every day is busy, and I'm too stubborn to admit it anywhere other than this very blog.

I don't want to complain. I don't. I like being busy, and I love (most of) the things I busy myself with.
So why am I worn out?

Because somewhere along the lines I decided to leave God out of my busy-ness. Somewhere between the beginning of this year and now I decided that I could do it on my own.

And I can't.

I can't do it on my own.

And God knows that. Come to me, He says, and I will give you rest.

I learned this lesson in the summer. I can pinpoint the moment when I knew that I was trying to do my job on my own. And I just couldn't, it was physically impossible.
And knowing that, somehow I'm still reluctant to ask Him for help.

But I can't do it on my own.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
- 1 Peter 5:7

The answers are in front of me. The rest, the refreshment, the rejuvenation I need is so close. I just need to accept it. I need to be okay with asking for help, and then just do it.
I need to stop trying to do it on my own, because it's futile and it's impossible.

And imagine what He could do through me, if I just let Him.

spinning;

Everytime I open up this 'new post' window, I do so with the intention of writing something that will sum everything that's going on in my life. And everytime I do this, I type a few sentences, my head starts to spin, and I give up, frustrated.

Things are crazy right now. It's ironic, because I thought that I wanted this part of my life to speed up, but now things are moving so quickly that really, I just want to hit the pause button and catch my breath. Ever feel like time completely dictates your life? Ever feel weighed down by it? Right now, I do. I'm living by an extremely rigid, structured schedule and it's foreign to me. Everything seems to be scheduled right down to the times that I sleep. And because of this routine, things just move so fast. I can't really believe that it's October already.

I'm struggling with understanding where I fit in. I miss camp because I miss being a part of that community. I miss knowing that people care, you know? I just miss that genuine concern, people asking about my life and actually wanting to know. And I miss feeling valued. I mean, I know that I shouldn't base my own sense of worth on other people, but at camp I felt like an integral, appreciated piece of a team - like I had useful talents and strengths to bring to the table. And it was a great feeling.

I feel like things are snowballing. As I sit here and type, there is just so much in my head that I want to spew into this blogging world.
I've been thinking a lot about trust lately, and evaluating just how much trust I put in God. I think something I really wrestle with is weighing my plans against His. I tend to paint ideal pictures in my head of what I think my life should look like, and sometimes I forget about the possibility that things could go differently. I feel as though lately God has been saying, 'hey, Andi, what if this isn't what I have planned..?' or, 'hey, Andi, ever considered THIS?' It's scary. I know He has my best interest at heart, I know He knows me better than anyone in the world (including myself) but I'm struggling with letting go of MY ideas. Maybe I won't have to let go, but I have to be willing to. I'm not sure how open minded I am to alternatives, and I know I need to be. I know I need to do some serious surrendering.



All that being said, Thanksgiving is around the corner.
And, as it approaches, I'm reminding myself to stop and remember how blessed I am. Sometimes I get so caught up in everything else, that I forget to just be thankful. Because, really, I am so lucky. I have a wonderful, loving family. I am in love with a great guy. I have amazing friends, near and far. I am receiving a solid education. I have food, clothing, a home, and I just had one of the best summers of my life. I have a relationship with my Creator.

I guess that's what this Thanksgiving is going to be about for me. I'm going to try to put everything aside, and just thank.
That needs to be a recurring theme in my life. I want to hit the pause button sometimes - but in it's own way, just stopping and remembering how blessed I am does that, you know?
Perhaps this weekend will be exactly what I need.

just love;

So, this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much, but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
- Phillipians 1, MSG

Three things that jump at me when I read this passage;

Our love is supposed to flourish.
I had no idea what this word meant when I read it, so I looked it up in the dictionary. The most common definition listed is growth, or thriving. It means that we are supposed to love with the goal of reaching the highest point of love that we can possibly reach. I picture love kind of like a vine, climbing up a wall, always growing in height, but spreading width-wise too.
There's another definition for the word flourish that caught my attention. It's only listed once, and its very few words. It says, flourish: to sound a trumpet call or fanfare. Interesting, eh? Imagine if our love could be as bold as a trumpet call. Imagine love being that loud. And maybe that's not exactly what Paul is getting at, but when I see that definition that is what I want. I want there to be a trumpet-like boldness to the way that I love. That I would love without reservations, without conditions, without asking questions, and that it would grow more and more each day.

Love needs to be sincere.
It can't be fluff. It can't be meaningless. It involves using my heart, and my mind. Love needs to be intentional. It needs to be thought through. It goes beyond initial feelings. And I think for me that applies big time when it comes to people who are hard to love. Sometimes, people push my buttons. Sometimes I just don't feel like loving them. But love needs to be intentional. Paul says it needs to be intelligent. Maybe I won't feel the 'setimental gush' around every person that I encounter, but that doesn't mean I can't love them. I need to sincerely and genuinely love others, because Jesus loves me. And I certainly am hard to love, I'm sure.

Love needs to set an example.
It needs to paint Jesus in a good light. Others need to see the difference in the way I live, and want that difference. Notice that this passage says nothing about using our words. It doesn't say, 'love, and tell everyone about Jesus.' It says nothing about 'evangelizing.' It says to make Jesus attractive to all. How? By loving. By living by example. By living the way He did. It reminds me of that famous quote 'preach the Gospel at all times - and if necessary, use words.'
How? Love.


This passage really stands out to me. I feel like it gives us such a great 'how to' on what Jesus means when He says 'love one another,' and I love that. I love that He doesn't ask something of us and not help us out. He doesn't leave it for us to figure out by ourselves. He walks us through it. He sets the example. He helps us.
Sometimes we really complicate being Christians, don't we? And in doing that, I think we often totally miss the mark of what being a follower of Christ really means. What does it actually mean to follow Jesus? To live like Jesus?
I think it starts with love.
Plain and simply, just love.

oh, whisper to me now that it was for real;

Well, it's been nearly two weeks since I returned from Adventure Camp, and it feels like its been a lifetime.

This is hard, because as I sit here for like, the millionth time, I still can't figure out what to say. And I need to say something. I feel like I owe it to this summer to try to put into words what an incredible experience it was. But I can't just say anything. I have to do it justice. I have to capture every scent, every sight, every smell, every moment, every second.

I know that's unrealistic. And I know that if I try that, I will type until my fingers fall off.

So let me just tell you that this summer was easily the best of my life. In the short two months that I was up north, God revealed to me things that I never knew about myself and about Him. He stretched me, He urged me to try new things, and He showed me that He is with me no matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing.

This summer, I learned what it means to be dependant. You're probably scratching your head and wondering how on earth that's a good thing. I didn't learn to depend on other people - I learned to depend on God. I learned that it's okay to ask Him for help. I learned that it's okay when I can't do something on my own. I learned that when my body grows tired, and weary, God stays strong. And I learned that if I am willing, God will replace my strength with His. He will work in me and through me.

Above all else, I learned what a privelege, what an opportunity, it is to love. Week after week, God placed groups of His children under my care and He asked only that I loved them. Loving those kids was such a blessing. Being their mom for the week, talking to them, laughing with them, rubbing their backs during sleepless nights, eating meals with them, praying with them, investing in them. I met the most amazing kids, with the most beautiful smiles and the most wonderful energy, and I got to build solid, trusting relationships with them. And, I got to watch God work in their lives. I got to share my relationship with Christ with them, and I got to help plant seeds in their minds and their hearts, trusting that God would nurture and grow those seeds. I saw kids commit their lives to Jesus, I prayed with them as they did it. When I think back on these experiences, I am blown away that God chose to use me the ways He did - that He picked me to work in these precious children's lives this summer.

I miss it. Everyday.
I miss the kids. I miss their laughter, and the sound of their small voices praying. I miss giving them piggy-back rides, and I miss holding their tiny hands in mine. I miss their tight little hugs, and I miss listening to them talk and talk about the cares of their young lives. I miss being a part of their lives.
I miss the stars, I miss the sunsets, I miss the lake, and the stillness of being surrounded by God's handiwork. I miss the sound of rain falling on the roof of my chalet. I miss the wildlife - the deer, the chipmunks, the raccoons.
I miss the incredible community of people I was blessed to work with. I miss being able to step outside and be greeted by a hug, or a smile, or an encouraging word. I miss feeling like a part of something incredible, a valued piece of a body working towards one common goal.
I miss being Daffi.

All in all, the summer was incredible. It exceeded all of my wildest dreams, every expectation, every notion that I had of what camp might be. God taught me, and pushed me, and changed me.
Not only was it the best summer of my life, but it was the best experience of my life. And even though I miss it unbelievably, I can't let that eclipse how incredibly grateful I am for those two months. I am so thankful for camp, I am so thankful for every moment of this past summer.

Being back in the real world is hard. And thinking about everything this summer held makes me feel like it would be so much easier to just be in that camp bubble again, to spend my whole life there. But I know that God taught me the things He did for a reason, and I know He's going to use those lessons and experiences in the coming year. It's exciting, and admittedly very scary, but He walked me through every transition at camp, and He will walk me through every transition here.

So, with that being said, I'm welcoming in the new year, I'm pushing past the tough adjustments, I'm trusting God to carry me through.
And I'm taking Adventure Camp with me.

out with the old, and in with the new;

Hello, world of ''blogspot.com!''
I figured it was high time that I upgraded from my dear livejournal account. I'm surrounded by changes right now, and I thought to myself, "new beginnings call for new blogs'' so here I am.

To be specific, 'here' is currently my desk at work. My job is rivetting.
I'm about halfway through my last shift here at Joint Rehab Physiotherapy until September. I'm leaving for camp for the first time the day after tomorrow. I'm completely excited and completely nervous all wrapped up in one.

I'm so excited to see what God has to teach me this summer. This year has been such a rocky one, but its brought me to this point. I've begun to see the reasons for certain occurances this year, and God's helped to be able to piece together everything slowly. It's been an awesome experience to be able to understand a tiny part of God's plan for me and it's amazing to know that i'm on the path that He wants me to be on.

I'm looking forward to being stretched this summer. I know that daily, Adventure Camp is going to present me with new opportunities, situations and obstacles. I'm going to face things that are uncomfortable for me, things that are difficult and new, and things that I wouldn't regularly do, all of which are going to push my comfort zones and mould me into the woman God wants me to be.

I'm going to be thrown into an environment that thrives off of sharing Christ's love with others, which is probably what excites me most about camp. As I try to prepare myself for everything that I will encounter over the next couple months, in the forefront of my mind is simply love. If i'm going into this summer with any goal, it's to love as Jesus loves me. The most wonderful realization I could have come to this year is that I am so loved. By God, by my family, and the people around me, and my only choice is to let that love spill out of me and into other peoples' lives. So needless to say, I can't wait to have that opportunity at camp.

I'm nervous and i'm stressed right now. If I start talking about all of the things i'm excited for, that seems to dissolve a little - but all I need to do is look at the calendar and realize that the day that once was 2 months away is now only 2 days away. I'm realizing that I don't cope well with change, and now that the life that i've been so comfortable with is changing, I need to learn to accept that and settle again. It's interesting, and I already see lessons unfolding for me to learn.

So, with all of those jumbled up thoughts and emotions out in cyberspace now, i'm heading back to work with exactly 1 hour and 55 minutes util my summer actually begins!