little treasures;

Today, I:
- Wiped 3284961377808369 snotty noses
- Was slapped in the face twice (by a 5 year old)
- Swept up a whole lot of glitter
- Stopped a child from eating white glue
- Sniffed out many dirty diapers
- Played peek-a-boo from under a blanket for about half an hour
- Learned speech therapy strategies, and some simple sign language
- Received lots of cuddles and heard lots of giggles
- Was reminded of all of the reasons that I love children, and all the things that I am excited about in the future

I love kids. I love how fulfilled I feel when I leave my incredible placement. Every Monday I get the chance to work with some of the most amazing little people in the world. They make me laugh, they challenge me, and inspire me and always make feel so blessed to have the passions and talents that God has given me. Each week I feel more confident in my abilities and more confident in the path that I'm on. I feel like every Monday has given me a small glimpse into what God has in store for my future. I am so, so grateful. It is an absolutely incredible place, and even the hardest days there, even the biggest challenges, fill me with such joy.

I love kids.

grace and peace to you;

Today, I'm thankful for peace and grace.

On Sunday, my pastor preached on the antidote to anxiety - prayer. At this time of year, there was nothing I needed to hear more. I was reminded of the fact that peace, real peace, comes from Jesus.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

So why have I been troubling my heart with so much anxiety and stress about school? Does my peace come from perfect marks? No. Do I only have peace when I'm not drowning in essays and exams? No. Will God ever give me more than I can handle? No.

Peace from Jesus is not at all like worldly peace. It isn't conditional. It is constant and it is a gift. And it is always available to me. I'm realizing I've been terribly selfish in the past week or so. I've been so focussed on the load on my back, the schoolwork, the marks, the essays, the exams, that I've let my focus slip from the needs of others, and I've also left Jesus out of the equasion. I felt as though today God was saying to me "Andi, do you want to be stressed? Or do you want this gift I've given to you? This peace I've given to you? Take it, it's yours." And when I told God I want it, when I asked him to penetrate me with that peace, the anxiety was gone.

I also had a lesson in grace today.
I received a gift, a blessing that I didn't deserve. It came in the form of a second chance on an essay. An essay I got a D on, deservingly so. And today my professor reached out and told me he wanted to help me. He gave me a second chance to redeem myself when there was absolutely no reason to. When I absolutely did not deserve it - I deserved my D.
Isn't that what Jesus did? Reached out and offered us a second chance that we absolutely did not deserve?

Don't I have so much to be thankful for?
Why do I insist on moping and wallowing and being sorry for myself at this time of year when Jesus came to give me life, and life to the full?

I have been looking at the world so narrowly. And today God reminded me that He offers me peace and grace so that I don't need to do that anymore. He has opened my eyes to a life so abundant. So full of blessings, and joy, things that go far beyond these two weeks. Far beyond essays and exams, and bad marks.

It was a good day. One where I felt as though I had so many reasons to be anxious and stressed, and all I could do was breathe in and out, and remember Jesus' many gifts to me.
It was perfect.

tripping on my words;

Oh hello. I'm Andi. You might remember me? Sometimes I post random musings on here in an effort to make somewhat of a contribution to the world of blogging.

I'm also the girl who started a tumblr account a month ago and has posted, oh, zero times.

Yeah, as far as blogging goes, I'm a failure.
I'm a failure because I have a fear of not being good enough. It's a terrible predicament because I love to ramble, and talk, and write. But I read several blogs of people who have good things to say. Heck, great things, even. And I wonder what I could possibly contribute.

What could I ever say that would be worth reading?

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you think I'm crazy.

This is all to say that I want to try harder at this blogging thing. And I'm going to stop doubting myself in one area of my life.

masterpiece?

Eph 2:10
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Why does Satan work so hard at convincing me of the opposite?
And why does it work?

I hate feeling as insecure and unsure of myself as I do.
I hate that I don't know how to not feel like this anymore.

knock, knock;

Whenever I am conscious of Satan's presence, I try to follow the formula once offered by a little girl: "When Satan knocks, I just send Christ to the door."
- Billy Graham

Good advice, "little girl."

a juggling act;

I've spent a huge chunk of this year thinking about how I can actively love others. How I can share in the lives of the people I love. How to go beyond just facebook messages and texts. And I made a decision months ago to do it better. But it seems the more I try to do it the more I feel like I come up short. The more I feel like a disappointment to others, and to myself.

I'm not sure where my thoughts are going but I needed an outlet to pour into. All I know is that camp is 3 weeks away and I'm feeling the urgency. And all of the people around me are clearly feeling it too. And it's all making me feel somewhat like a failure. Like the more I hear "I need to see you more before you go away" the guiltier I feel for going away, and the more I realize that I haven't invested my time the way I've wanted to.

I feel like I'm being stretched very thin. And like I'm being pulled in a million different directions, And it doesn't really matter which one I choose because inevitably I will disappoint somebody I love.

And I'm frustrated. Mostly with myself I think.
I know I shouldn't be stressing out about this and I should be thinking about the exciting summer I have ahead of me.

This is just one big rant with no conclusion. I suppose I just wish I was better at balancing things.

mama;

I have a really great mom.

Sometimes I'm afraid that she doesn't know how much I appreciate everything that she is to me.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I don't even know how much I appreciate her.

It's amazing how the older I get the more I come to acknowledge the little things that she has done for me. All of the hugs, all of the meals, the pickups, the drop offs, the comforting words, all the times I've cried on her shoulder, the laughs, the games, the conversations, the loads of laundry, the doctor visits, the advice, and so so much more, every minute, every day, all of it has had an incredibly huge impact.

I have a really great mom.

She's a strong, beautiful, smart, loving woman.
And though we have our differences (and trust me, we do), we are a perfect fit. And I'm incredibly thankful for her.